It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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