I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
