I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
