uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
