he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
