was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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