new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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