The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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