Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
