I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
