hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
