Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
