your parents love me but you hate me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
