I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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