I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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