true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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