they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
