His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
