I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
