forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
