I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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