I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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