Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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