Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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