everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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