Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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