i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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