i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
