Porn is love you can see.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Soap is not a condiment
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
