we have pet lesbian snakes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
