this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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