I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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