would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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