What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
