I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
