ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
