You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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