dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
