nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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