You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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