who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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