He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
