so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
