It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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