she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
