hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
