is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
