Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
