btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
