I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made out with a guy for $7.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
