and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
